"It's my pool, and it's my duck."

So, what did I do this weekend?

Yesterday, Al and I watched the first two Batman movies and discussed possibly reopening Gotham Lights, and had a really fun chat with Allison. I think I stayed up a little too late, though - I passed out and didn't get up until 2:30 this afternoon, oops.

I don't mind, though, because what with the storm and all, it wasn't as though there was anything big I could've done. Or that I wanted to do ... the only thing really on my agenda was to cook my lunches for the week, and since I couldn't decide what to do with the chicken, and I have soup that I can bring, I'll worry about that tomorrow night. Maybe I'll stop at Hatch Plaza and get some more sauce, and maybe a Christmas present or two at Marshall's. I get paid tomorrow, I can do that.

Today, I generally just lazed around with Al. She booked her plane ticket, and AFTERWARDS, Mom expressed her opinion that she wouldn't mind Al being around the house while I was at work. So basically, it's too late for Al to put in a change and stay a few more days to be here for New Year's Eve. Fish. I'm going to try not to get too upset about it, though. Since there's nothing that can really be done. Either way, I'm making dinner for the four of us while she's here, as an early birthday present for Mom/New Year's Eve party. Mom said she traditionally gets some kinda chick flick, which is fine by me, but afterwards Al and I will most likely retreat for our own movie marathon. Also, we watched Men in Black, hee. It's been a good weekend for watching movies with insanely awesome production quality, I think. I still have to watch the comedy that Martha let me borrow - I'll put it on tomorrow night, or something.

It was nice to have a weekend when I didn't have to worry about being anywhere, or getting anything done, or fulfilling any goals in particular. I think it helped me wind down from how crazy and emotional the last couple weeks have been .... which is good, considering that now I have to start worrying about Christmas. Paycheck means shopping, which means crowds. And then I have to gear up for the relatives. So having a break like this was a good thing.

Also, I did something I didn't think I'd ever have the mental and emotional fortitude to do - I archived my DeadJournal, all two-and-a-half years of it. Mind, I only saved entries that I still thought were significant, or amusing. And it was so surreal ... especially the stuff from sophomore year. I felt like I was spying on someone else's life. My mindframe, and the things I thought were important to me ... they were all so different. I came across as a sort of blog-chameleon - I only wrote about the things I thought that the people who read it would find amusing. Sure, I still rant about fannish things and all, but ... huh.

The other thing that seemed to make me stare at myself was that I tend to absorb the writing style of whoever I'm reading, when I blog. Sometimes I write like Damien or Jamie, for example, if I've been reading their stuff. Or, if I've been reading Snicket, it shows. Or Thomas Harris. Et cetera. .... My sophomore year, I read a lot of Jhonen Vasquez's stuff. So ... I used capslock a lot. And there was a lot of random. And where, at the time, it was really fun ... now I just kinda go "ummmmmmmm whut".

And then, most of it was DRAMA. Oh my god, the drama. Jen Drama, Sparky Drama, Angelique Drama, Lea Drama. It seemed like more of it was me either being angry at them, or being upset that they were angry at me. And ... and I thought that it was a decent support system, at the time. I thought they were the best friends I'd ever had, when all of that mess just eventually ate me up from the inside out. By the time I got to the end of college, I was a really angry, paranoid person. And part of it was the college system, like I thought it was ... but honestly, I can see now, looking back, that it was because of the people I surrounded myself with.

And I'm only still with two of them now. One of them's the most wonderful woman I'll ever know, and the other sent me an absolutely gorgeous Christmas card in the mail this week. (Thank you, Steph!)

As for the others, all those people who were the source of so much stress and grief in my life over those years? Honestly, I used to feel the urge to check up on them, to see what they were doing, to compare my life to theirs. Even Julie and Scott - because they were still around then, too. And while all those people influenced me in both good and bad ways, and for that, I'd never trade the time I spent with them .... I can honestly say that I'm done with them, now. That it's been put away. That era of my life has been closed away, quietly. I can look back and see how little I knew - and how far I've come. And that's all I needed from it.

I'm going to do the same thing with this journal, soon enough ... which should be interesting. And a lot happier, I hope. But still. I'm not as worked up as I thought I'd be. I'm not worked up at all. I'm just ... thoughtful. And grateful for who I am. Which, in itself, says a lot about how far I've come.